Kecewa Dalam Setia

Tapi kini semua nyata

Tak pernah aku menduga

Dirimu yang aku cinta

Kini tlah berpaling muka

Dusta dirimu pendusta

Sungguh sunguh teganya

Telah aku cintai

Kenapa engkau lukai

Telah aku sayangi

Kenapa engkau dustai

Kecewa aku padamu

Terluka aku karnamu

Mana engkau yang dulu

Yang selalu merindu ku

Yang selalu merindu ku

The best I ever had.

Curator

Hi guys!

Just know, I read a post from one account.
The curator for this week really did a good job. I like her - the character, writing.

All the topics she brought up, what can I say.. "ni la topik yang aku nak baca.. benda macam ni laa"
She knows how to keep me, us stay on that to see what is next. She interacts well with the readers, people.

Thank you for made my day everytime I read your writing.
Take care. Keep on writing.

'If you really love someone, you would do almost anything for her. You would sacrifice your own happiness for hers.'

Sia-sia

Kamu,

Yang selalu mendampingi tanpa tapi.
Yang selalu bersedia sabar tanpa sadar.

Tanpamu, setiap jalan yang ku ambil hanya seperti jalan buntu.

Meski begitu, aku akan tetap berjalan.
Melakoni peran-peran romansa yang kini harus berganti rasa.
Melewati banyak musim dengan seribu tanda tanya.

Menciptakan keadaan yang di mana aku harus terbiasa tanpamu,
Meski caranya tak pernah kau ajarkan sebelum bergegas meninggalkan.
Iya, tak pernah kau ajarkan.

Seperti sia-sia.
Entah kemanapun kaki ini membawa raga,
Kau masih saja utuh dalam ingatan penuh luka.

-penghujung cerita-

Are you okay?

She pops out in my mind and stuck there.

I am missing her like crazy now. At the same time, ahh.. rasa tak sedap hati.

Is she okay?

Is something bad happened to her?

Or is it just.. permainan perasaan.. I don't know.

How to reach her???? Oh god.. please. Help me.

What should I do know?

Sh*t la semua ni. 

Syg, are you okay?

I just had this feeling.. I don't know how to describe it..

Hope you are doing fine syg.

Hope you not getting sick.

Just be safe okay.

I miss you like you are missing me too.

Take care, syg.

13th February

Every year, never I forget the date of our first conversation. For some people, it just nothing because you already have her in your life. But, it does a matter for me. It is so meaningful. I don't want to forget that - the feeling, the excitement, the joy. Gosh, she completes me. And.. because of that date, she and I become WE, become US. 

So, this year.. 

On the same date in different year, 

This was for her. A simple gift from mine. 

The cookies that she is always craving for.. CHIPSMORE! 

Milo nuggets - this snack will make her day!

And some more.

13.02.2016

13.02.2017

13.02.2018

13.02.2019

13.02.2020

I 💓 You

p/s: Eventhough I just posted it.. on that day, we had our moments.

Eiffel Tower

Eiffel tower. It means a lot to me.

Me: Syg nk bear kaler ape.. eiffel tu kaler ape
You: Bear ari2..wane merah..huhu...cantekkkkk..jd Eiffel towernyeee
Me: Merah jgk eh
Me: Okaiii
You: Huhu..ikut la...mne awk nk
Me: Laaa mne blh ikut sy
Me: Idea awak..so sy nk kaler apa yg awk nak
You: Ok merah...huhu
Me: file attached) Tower tu plk?
You: Tower hijau 😁😁
Me: Hahah knp ija
You: Ntahh..huhu...cube la..nk tgk..jd x...
You: 😅
Me: 🤔🤔🤔
Me: (file attached) For you 😘
You: Alalalaaaa...comelllnyeeeeee
You: Cantekkan bear wane merah...huhu..atas kertas la..klu bear betul mcm x bpe brkenan wane merah...haha
Me: Hahaha yeee cntik
Me: Tower biru blh.
Me: ?
Me: Biru la eh
Me: Belon ijau k
You: Hahaha..ok2...tower biru...belon hijau...
Me: Ok
Me: Otw
Me: (file attached)

You: Santekkkkkkk
You: 😍😍😍😍 tq...

Sayang, did you remember this? I made it for you. And you said "seperti yang sayang bayangkan". I am missing those moments.
Why it means a lot to me?
Sebab kita pernah cakap, honeymoon kita di Paris. Masih ingat? 😉

Nothing

I heard nothing from you anymore.
Not even a 'hi'.

What should I do when I need you?
What should I do when this heart longing for you?
What should I do when I want to sleep in your arms?
What should I do when every second of my breath, I miss you?

Tell me sayang.. what should I do?

Being apart, being left..
It hurts me a lot.

You are my life sayang.
What life would be like without you..

I love you syg.
I miss you.

Disappointed

This conversation happened years ago - in 2016. It was before our first met. I'm.. well.. ummm, speechless.

Me: N then i realize.. sy xlayak 😔😔😔😔😔
Me: 💔
Me: 😞☹☹😞😞😞😞
You: Urmmm..ati sye pd awk..abaikn dye..fokus on me
You: Urmmm..
Me: Tp mcm mne syg.. how?
You: Awk je dlm pale sye..awk yg sye nk....
Me: Awk ade yg hak utk awak..yg halal utk awak..yg sah utk awak.. and im just nothing.. till the end of this world syg
You: Urmmm..plis give me a chance to feel kebahgiaan...
You: Sye nmpk tu pd awk
Me: 😢😢😢
You: Plis syg...sye sgt perlukn awk
Me: Ye sy tau 😔
Me: Tp hati ni sakittt.. sakit utk terima kyataan
You: Sye xd hak tuk pkse awk time sye...tp sye sgt perlukn awk...klu bole tuk slme-lmenye
You: Urmm..ap yg awk nk sye wat?
Me: Awak ade die syg
Me: 😢
You: Urmm..ap yg awk nk sye wat?
Me: Sy xtau
Me: Sy nk bahagiakan awak
Me: Nk jadikan awak permaisuri hidup sy
You: Then...let it be..
You: Syg..sye nk awk..
Me: Fuuuhhhhhh...
Me: Sakitnye syg
You: Be mine...im yours

All of these.. it didn't mean that I put blame on her. No. Never. It just.. on that time, we both love each other and willing to put aside all those things that can crack this relationship. As long as we are together. I am hers. She is mine.

But today, everything is upside down. She is willingly to put a fullstop. Where are those words, sayang? Telling me that you need me, you want me. I am disappointed. 💔

Dry your eyes

Hi sayang. Sihat?

Me: http://youtu.be/G_bCnwQnGFU
You: Wahhhh..ad lagu mcm ni 😣 sebijik citenye...
Me: Citer ape
Me: Ok phm da..
Me: I dedicated the song for u :)
You: 'Let me in' awk pon mksud kn tu?
Me: :)
You: ??
Me: ☺
Me: Wtpe wak
You: Tu je?  I need an answer
Me: I wanna be a person who make u happy
Me: I wanna be a person who will always stand by ur side
Me: So..let me in.. so that i can that person
Me: *I can be
You: Huhu😊😊
You: 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
Me: Tu je?
You: Im speechless 🙈🙈🙈🙊🙊🙊🙊
You: Hahaiiiii
You: May i be someone special in ur life???🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈
Me: :))))))))))

Sayang, if you still remembered this song.. I want you to know that I will always dry your eyes. No matter happens. If one day, something happen and you don't know where to go to.. you have me. Always.

Thank you for keeping the promise

Dari dulu sampai sekarang, setiap kali lapar tengah malam.. aku kejutkan dia. Nanti dia sediakan makanan ape yang ade. Terima kasih sayang. Janji yang pernah sayang ungkapkan dulu.. ditunaikan hingga arini.

Me: Oh psl org umah.. heee lg sy suka kalu dpt org umah yg suke msk..hehehhe
You: Huhu..klu sye nk yg sme2 msk ngn sye
You: 😋😋😋😋
Me: Hmm..sy blh teman awk msk :)
Me: Blh tlg rasa jugak
You: Yeayy...huhu..tp nga msk jgn nakal2..kang hangus plk mknn nye😂😂😂
Me: Xpe..hangus kite g mkn luar jela
You: Haha..mkn luar jelaaaaaa
You: 😜😜😜😜
Me: Iyela syg..kite mkn luar jela yee
You: Yeayyyyyy 😜😜😜
You: Tp klu mlm awk bgun lapa..kejut je sye...gigih sye msakkn awk
You: 😋😋😋😋
You: Ley caya x? 😅😅😅
Me: Haha mcm xleh caya je..ntah2 nti die ckp.. dah2..tdo. esk je kite mkn
You: 😳😳😳mne tw nihhhhh
Ade tak dia masak?
Ye ade. Siap pakej suap. 
Dia jaga aku dengan cukup baik sekali. 
No one can ever take your place, sayang. And I miss your nasi goreng :'(

Bulan

Hi sayang.

Awak ingat lagi tak awal-awal perkenalan kita? Tak sangka kan.. semuanya bermula dari perkataan "Assalamualaikum".

Sayang ingat tak semua ni..

Me: If u see da moon tonight, it is nice right? Secantik bulan malam ni, cantik lg awk di mata sy :)
You: Haiiihhh..ayat dye knnnn..huhu...dlm kelas ni xnmpk bulan...nt sye tgk ae
You: T.kasih...even tau muka sye mcm bulan yg penuh kawah tu..hahahaha...awk ni sweet2 laa....
Me: Hati yg cantik kite pandang wak :)
Me: Semoga hati terus berbunga.. 🌹🌷💐 dan sentiasa mekar
You: Amboiiiii..ayat dye 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
You: Kalah cgu bm hahahaiiii
You: Tq awk...
You: 😊😊😊

Sampai sekarang, masih tengok bulan. It is because, the moon reminds me of you. Reminds me all those moments. The moments that we have shared together.

Masa awal2 aku kawan dengan dia, kawan baik dia (jom kita bagi nama: OREO) sangat menentang hubungan kami. Katanya, aku ni 'playgirl', suka mempermainkan hati dan perasaan orang dan bla bla bla. Sampaikan sanggup putus kawan. 

Selama hubungan aku dengan dia, tak pernah terdetik pun dalam hati aku nak main dengan perempuan lain. Apatah lagi curang. Tak pernah. Hati dan jiwa aku sepenuhnya untuk dia seorang. Aku sanggup menjadi perantau asalkan berada di samping dia. Setiap tahun, dipanggil balik untuk berkhidmat di 'hometown' tapi tetap aku tolak. Hanya kerana dia.

Pasal kahwin. Isu yang sangat besar kalau dalam hubungan ni. Aku tolak semua hanya kerana dia. Tak sanggup weh tengok orang yang aku sayang menanggung rasa sakit. Bukan setakat sakit, rasanya mental, jiwa dan semua pun merana. 

Hey oreo. Arini kau tengoklah sendiri. 

Dalam hubungan aku dan dia.. siapa yang menyakiti siapa. Siapa yang tinggalkan siapa. Siapa yang permainkan hati dan perasaan.

Kau orang berpelajaran. Lagi tinggi dari aku. Kau punya judgement pun level top.. high class gitu.

Aku tak kisah pun kau nak judge ape. Aku just nak kau tahu, start dari awal aku kawan dengan dia, sikit pun takde niat nak mempermainkan dia. Apatah lagi tinggalkan dia. 

Take care. Adios.

How have you been?

Hai sayang.

Sayang sihat? Ade batuk2 tak?
Sayang buat ape tu?
Sayang dah makan?

Semua pertanyaan ni cukuplah hanya ditanya di dalam hati.

Andai sayang bukak blog ni satu hari nanti dan baca..
I miss you, sayang.
Setiap detik, dalam kepala ni hanya ade sayang. Rindu yang amat.
Sejak sayang nak put an end in this relationship, hidup ni dah meaningless.
Setiap malam, I am waiting for your call, videocall and text.
Till today.

Sayang..
Wherever you are sayang, please be safe.
Stay at home, ok.
Jangan keluar mana2 tau.
Pakai hand sanitizer.. basuh tangan.. mandi!
Makan kena cukup jugak tau..
Kalau ade teringin nak makan ape, sayang pergi beli tau.
Bawak kete elok2. Jangan laju2. Maaf, tak dapat teman sayang drive..

Sayang, dah 11.30 malam. Sayang tido elok2 ye. Mimpi yg indah2 tau.
Goodnight sayang.
Ayg syg syg.

Cinta Mati

For the first time in my life, I want this relationship (Queen and I) to the next level. 

It was different. Totally.

Four years.. for four years I'm in love with her. Everyday. Every minute. Every second.

Everything I do, all for her.

Some people said, cinta mati.

Yep. Cinta mati. 

Cinta mati ni la yang buat aku sanggup terima dia walau apa status dia sekalipun. 

Datang dan pergi sesuka hati pun, masih aku terima.

Bodoh?

Cakaplah bodoh sekalipun, aku masih tetap terima dia.

Hari ini, hari ketiga kami.. 

Dan aku....

Doakan aku kuat ye. Tu je.

Dream

Once, I told her..

If I was a guy, I will definitely tie the knot with you.

May 2017, I got a job. Gimme a year to do some preparation for our wedding. End of 2017, we get engaged. 

2018, we will get married. And the date is, 1404.

I know all of these just a dream.

My dream.

Your dream

Our dream.

And..

The dream is free, isn't it?

So, let me keep this dream. Forever.

-17.03.2020-

Without you

Tadah je tangan, tiada satu perkataan yang keluar. Hanyalah airmata yang membasahi pipi.

Jujur, aku tak kuat sayang.

Hati ni.. hancur sehancurnya.

Tuhan, jagalah dia untuk aku. Jagalah.

Jangan bagi airmata dia mengalir lagi.

Aku dah takde untuk lap airmata dia.

Aku dah takde untuk memujuknya.

Aku dah takde untuk memeluknya.

Aku sayang dia. Sangat.

Tuhan, jagalah dia. 😢💔

You will always be my queen, my chipsmore.

-16.03.2020-